Limiting Beliefs: Challenging and Changing Limiting Beliefs

from Peter Labouchere

We behave in ways consistent with our beliefs and values. Certain beliefs can restrict our choices and limit our capacity to change the ways we behave. These notes offer a simple, yet powerful technique for challenging and changing such limiting beliefs, adapted from the personal development and behaviour change technology of NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming).

This technique was highly evaluated following its introduction during the "Journey of Hope" Training of Trainers workshops in Kenya and in Ghana as part of the National ' Stop AIDS Love Life' programme managed by Johns Hopkins University/Center for Communication Programs.

People express limiting beliefs with statements like: 'I cannot...' , 'I have to...' or 'It is impossible to...'. These leave the speaker no choice or alternative possibilities, and they are therefore disempowering. For example:

• As a woman/girl, I have to do what the man/boy says.
• We cannot change our culture.
• I can't do that.
• It is impossible for men to abstain for more than a week.
• Parents cannot talk to their children about sex.

You can challenge and help people change their limiting beliefs by responding to such statements with specific types of question, including:

• What would happen if you didn't?
• What would happen if you did?
• Who says?
• What stops you?
• How do you know?
• Has it ever been different?
  e.g. Has a man ever managed to abstain for more than a week?
  e.g. Have parents ever spoken to their children about sex?

These types of question prompt a line of thinking which moves people from a perception that they have no choice to realising that they do in fact have choices and possibilities for change.

A typical exchange might go like this:
Parent: I cannot talk to my children about sex.
Response: What would happen if you did?
Parent: I would feel so embarrassed.
Response: So you could in fact talk to your children about sex, but you would feel embarrassed doing so.
Parent: Yes, I suppose it is possible.

This sort of intervention is very quick - as soon the other person recognises and acknowledges that there are other possibilities and that they have some element of choice in the matter, their limiting belief has been dislodged. This paves the way to explore newly acknowledged choices (from this example, the conversation could then progress to ways of overcoming embarrassment when talking to your children about sex.)

This technique also provides a strategy for challenging gender stereotypes and changing beliefs about gender roles, thereby opening up new choices and possibilities for both women and men.

For more information, contact:
Peter Labouchere
Executive Director
Bridges of Hope Training
P.O. Box 26615, Hout Bay 7872 / 5 Scott Rd, Hout Bay 7806
South Africa
Tel: +27 (0)21 7903245
Cell: +27 (0)83 5399181
peter@boht.org
Bridges of Hope Training website